First of all let me start by admitting that I am an Emotional Ignorant or worse yet as I’ve had dig deeper, my emotional triggers are controlled by my instincts and that as we can see in the animal kingdom the instincts of a cat are not the same as a dog or as a monkey in humans we find instincts and characteristics that makes us all different and so my natural character is bold and daring always aiming to tell the “truth” and express my true feelings as they come. So in a nut shell, in standing for my genuine character with close relations this makes me a complete Emotional Ignorant who can destroy in a minute of impatience what my logic more desires which is the peaceful resolution of a conflict.
According to well reputed Mr Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence” following “Harvard business Review Articles” ( that you can dig from the internet quite easily), the components of EI at work are:
“• self-awareness: the ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drive, as well as your effect on others.
• self-regulation: the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods and the ability to suspend judgment and think before acting.
• motivation: a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status and a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.
• empathy: the ability to understand the emotional makeup of other people and skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions.
• social skill proficiency in managing relationships,building networks and an ability to find common ground and build rapport.”
I have found that even though common sense can easily guide you into achieving those components of EI at work perfectly, in personal relationships that touch us to the core, the implementation of them seem to be totally useless, we don’t even take notice that we have to apply any tactic at all! and then the results can be no less detrimental; the reason why is simply because we don’t have to be emotionally involved with colleagues neither necessarily touched at a personal level at work, we aim to impress as we are doing what we must do in terms of work while in personal interaction our deepest longing is to be our simply selves able to express and be understood which in a given disagreement of instincts is unlikely to occur.
In saying this, I have come to the realisation that no matter how close relationships are, Emotional Intelligence must be learned and applied just as any in negotiation at work because no matter how close you are to someone, a negotiation of give and receive love, care and affections is continually at stake with any of you risking to get the short side of the stick at any moment and it has nothing to do with how valuable, knowledgeable or spiritual you are as a person. Sad as it may sound, in the end, no matter much knowledge we have or how spiritual we are, we are each on our own and if we are not able to see all people including close relationships as individuals who negotiate with us in different terms on a daily basis, the frank reactions you take to the disappointments you get every time from everyone around you would be a hindrance to your progress in your development to be a better human being and a disturbance to the peace you need to get ahead.
So in conclusion to my experience, trust no one with the expression of feline inner emotions as you may bump onto chickens or snakes etc who would take matters in a whole different fashion, would never understand you and may leave or degrade affairs to a worse state, learn on how to center yourself in balance with the EI tactics to put in practice not at the expense of your truthfulness and character but rising up to a higher level of peace and understanding of yourself.
Emotional intelligence is the skill to truly never lose you cool for anyone. I am resolute to train my instincts and learn to express “my truths” the intelligent way as I finally agree that you can’t wear your raw heart on your sleeve.
Hope whoever you are and my friends will look at this following link as I wish them at the same time to learn and apply Emotional Intelligence with me 🙂 the more Emotional Intelligent people we are the less conflict we would get and the better our experience of life in this planet will be; so is not small matter. Better late than never for a fresher more aware journey to begin.
For further reading and to get a short and truly useful booklet with the 10 secrets to boost your Emotional Intelligence, click on the picture